As women we’re constantly bombarded with the notion that we will one day become mothers. From birth with baby dolls to adulthood when baby showers come and go and family members nudge you and ask when your turn is. It would seem that most, if not all, women that don’t want kids get grief for not “fulfilling their evolutionary role”. Even men are subject to scrutiny, and not wanting to “pass on their name” gains some strange looks and folks trying to convince you to change your stance.
More and more folks are choosing to either push off children until they’re older, or not have children at all. While a big concern is finances, even taking that out of the equation leaves a large chunk of folks who just don’t want kids. These men and women who choose not to reproduce seem to get so much criticism for their choices and are told they’re just “bad people”. Not wanting kids doesn’t make you a bad person, here are 5 reasons why:
- You want a career: In this day and age of opportunity, it’s common to find many folks that are building careers from a very young age. By the time they hit 23-25 many young men and women have built successful careers that they’ve poured their heart and soul into, making it a much higher priority to continue this trend of professional sucess than settling down and having children. Having a career is time consuming, and if your career is the highest priority for you, you likely won’t have much time for children – which is totally okay! Having priorities that make your life fit your version of success doesn’t make you a bad person – it makes you a driven person that knows what they want!
- You don’t want the responsibility: Kids are a ton of responsibility (says the childless person 😉 ). Kids cost a lot of money, and when they grow up they require an education and extra-curriculars, and babysitters, and quality time, and… You get the picture. Kids require a lot of attention in many areas of life, and some folks would just rather spend their time working, or spending time with their friends, or would rather be able to go out whenever they want without having to secure a babysitter or pack their car full of stuff for an infant. Enjoying your life and not wanting to disrupt it to have to take care of a child does not make you a bad person. The fact that you know you prefer to be relatively care-free is great! If you have children when you don’t want the responsibility, you’re much more likely to regret the choices you’ve made and possibly even take it out on your child!
- You don’t think you’re the nurturing type: Some people just aren’t good with kids. They don’t think they have the compassion or patience to deal with a baby or a toddler. And regardless of if they’re right, just the fact they don’t see themselves as a parent is more than enough of a reason to not have kids. If you don’t see yourself as having the personality to raise a child, and you don’t see yourself being a parent at all, good for you! Knowing yourself enough to recognize if you’ll be able to provide a nurturing home both physically and emotionally for a child should be the first step in deciding to have a child. And if you fall on the not-so-nurturing side of that equation, there’s nothing wrong with that/you! Knowing yourself does not make you a bad person.
- You don’t want to pass on any abuse: A lot of folks I know have chosen not to have children because they come from abusive homes. Having abusive family members can be a terrifying experience, and knowing that they have the capability to get that angry and physically violent can be enough of a reason for folks to decide not to have kids. Having anger issues that run in the family or abuse issues can make someone feel like they have those same issues (even if they don’t). What’s important to remember on this front is that if you’ve chosen not to have children for the sake of not passing on abuse, you are doing the right thing for yourself and for your family. If you feel you may be tempted into being abusive or if you feel you may not be able to control it if it ever came up, choosing not to have children for this reason is very noble.
- Kids just do not interest you at all: Some people just straight up don’t like kids! They choose not to be around kids and have chosen not to have their own children because they just don’t like kids in general. Not that there’s anything wrong with the kids, they just understand that their personalities don’t mix well with children. There could be any number of reasons why someone doesn’t like kids, but not liking kids doesn’t make you a bad person – it just makes you someone who knows and respects their limits.
Having kids a really big decision and if you’ve chosen not to have kids, there is no reason why you should feel guilty about it! Not wanting kids does not make you a bad person – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.